In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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