we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
