i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
