first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
