what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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