pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
