in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize