Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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