you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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