can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
