I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
