dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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