Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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