hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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