Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
