so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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