tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
