PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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