I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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