K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
