guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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