I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Two words: blizzard sex
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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