she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
