don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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