Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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