I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
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No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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