Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
