I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
