you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
