I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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