I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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