I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We are all done wearing pants today
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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