it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
