So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why do cheetos always look like penises
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
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He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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