I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
