she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
