Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
