i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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