I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
