Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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