what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize