He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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