so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well I just put wine in my tea
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
