I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
