fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
