I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
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I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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