Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
