i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
