She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
