You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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