Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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