he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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