...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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