Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
