youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
