I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
