I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
