I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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