I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
