When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
