The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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