Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
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Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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