So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
