pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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